Followers

Friday 13 May 2011

Wow... how did that happen?

So i turns out that last night i managed to seal the deal with a lady friend I've been seeing for about 2 and a half weeks. As a result of said deal being sealed, for the first time in my life, I'm in a relationship.

Now i should point out that its not the first time i've "been with" someone, its just i've never got the opportunity to make it a more permanent situation... So i have a bit of a learning curve to get over.. but luckily to a quick google search i found an awesome list below that i'll keep handy :)


  • when she asks how she looks, shrug and say “could be better” this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that.

  • never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

  • once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

  • call her in the middle of the night to ask if she’s sleeping. if she is say “you better be” , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

  • when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement.

  • recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she’s sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies.

  • if you’re talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words @..%$ you and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

  • tell her you’re taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it’s going to be really special. then take her to a burning tire yard. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you’re really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear “…because i can.” 
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    •  introduce her to your friends as “some chick”. women love those special nicknames.

    • play with her hair. play with it HARD.


    • warm her up when shes cold…and not by giving her your jacket… then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say “if you don’t stop bitching about the cold right now you’re going to be bitching about a black eye.” the best way to get warm is with fear.

    • Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

    • make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn’t girls? 
    I am grateful that we share the same type of twisted and wicked sense of humor, but for obvious reason i won't be showing her any of my blogs so I'd love if my followers would throw me any additional advice you might have. I'm sure the collective experiences of you all can make my first break up so much more memorable

    7 comments:

    1. Be sure to mark your 'property' with plenty of urine, lest other males assume that she's available.

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    2. does it has to do something with friday the 13th :P no jk

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    3. haha youre trying to be funny here arent you

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    4. I predict years of joy for you.

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    5. Congratulations on the new relationship. Just remember to act as you normally would and don't try and be someone else for the first few weeks of the relationship, or else she will get a rude awakening shortly after.

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    6. warm her up when shes cold…and not by giving her your jacket… then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say “if you don’t stop bitching about the cold right now you’re going to be bitching about a black eye.” the best way to get warm is with fear.

      I am doing this one next time we're out, lmao!!!

      Also, girls LOVE it when you shout out funny or unexpected things during the climax of your lovemaking... I can recommend 'BACK OF THE NET!' or 'POKEMON!'

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    7. lol this is just hilarious

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