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"Nice Guy" Syndrome

Editor's Note: Abridged from the SomethingAwful.com forums (intermittently inaccessible to non-members). All credit goes to the original thread creator, the jizz taxi, and contributing posters.
1. WHAT IS A "NICE GUY"?

bash.org:
A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

This reasoning is the epitome of "Nice Guy" thinking.
Basically a "Nice Guy" is someone who wonders why if they are so nice and good to women, why they won't reciprocate (sleep with them)? The reason is: because they don't have to, and no force in the world can change that. Let's now get into the nitty-gritty of what's wrong with being a "Nice Guy" (hereafter referred to as an NG).
Some quotes that are helpful:

Vulvarine posted:
I think it's really important to distinguish between niceness and kindness. Kindness is a real, positive, desirable trait in a romantic partner. Niceness is just the ability to be inoffensive. Most women who don't like "nice guys" are perfectly affable toward kind men as a dateable group.
Ionic posted:
One of the keys to understanding the Nice Guy vs. the clueless innocent is that the Nice Guy's definition of himself as such is usually the result of repeated romantic failure and a resulting, crippling bitterness. The clueless innocents eventually bumble their way out of that stage. That's the difference.
I don't want to make this into more than it is, but I think many men fail to grasp exactly how uncomfortable and, potentially, vulnerable a woman can feel in the face of persistent attention, flattery, and the like.
It flies in the face of years and years of social conditioning to tell an outwardly "nice" man - one who has in no way technically threatened, harassed, or intimidated you - to "get the fuck away, I'm not interested." It's one thing to tell off the drunk who's trying to cop a feel on the subway. But rejecting the friend who just won't stop hanging around looking for more? It's not a simple situation.
So, many women just don't do it. Especially confident and assertive women can do it easily, but even a woman without self-esteem problems could understandably find it difficult to be ruthlessly direct in that situation. All too often, we opt for subtlety instead.
And that's where the real problem with Nice Guys comes in. A regular guy would get the hint, see it as a matter of compatibility and not take it personally, then move on to someone more likely to return his interest. A Nice Guy, on the other hand, will stick around and attempt to wear you down. Often Nice Guys will pursue "'hard luck' cases" - women who are perhaps not the best-prepared to stand up for themselves.
And in the end, if the Nice Guy doesn't get what he wants? He invents a scenario that makes his wasted effort a noble quest to overcome, what he tells himself is, his target's shitty taste in men. Because admitting that he wasted his time pushing for something that was clearly never going to happen is just plain cognitively uncomfortable.
To sum up, the "perfect storm" that goes into creating a self-described Nice Guy is a mix of a sense of entitlement, a mark who is too kind and/or passive to outright reject the NG, and the NG's persistence in the face of what many other individuals would recognize as subtle signals of mark's disinclination to mate.

• 1.1 Manipulation

NG behaviour is manipulative. NGs basically do everything they can to 'make' someone fall for them in an underhanded way. It makes every "nice" act revolve around the ulterior goal of getting with 'that' girl. They do it so hard that it becomes a second nature and they're not even conscious of it.

• 1.2 Unrealistic objectification

NG behaviour ultimately reduces women to objects. While they would vehemently deny it, NGs project all their romantic fantasies on one (or sometimes multiple, or successive) girls, which blinds them to the fact that these women are independent people.

• 1.3 Dishonesty

NGs are not nice for the sake of being nice. They're nice because they think they'll get something in return. Granted that many people behave that way, but the Nice Guy often has a particularly bad case of this, which sometimes even veers straight into a type of co-dependency or creates a massive entitlement complex.

• 1.4 It doesn't work

Most women and many men can sense that you're a "Nice Guy", and think it's creepy. Also, it plain just doesn't work. Even if you insist on having some sort of mathematical formula for "women like X, Y and Z so if I do that, I'll get laid", the Nice Guy Technique has appalling success rates.

• 1.5 "Ugh, women always end up dating douches"

Nobody likes assholes, and any women who says she prefers "bad boys" past age 25 is probably sort of broken herself. However, most women who end up with guys that have glaring flaws don't date them because of their flaws. They end up dating them/sleeping with them because they are self-confident, have interesting stuff to say, are attractive or act like actual people instead of a scripted doormat. Also, maybe her SO is acting hostile towards you because he can sense your true motives.

• 1.6 Passiveness

One particular reason why the "friendship" between an NG and their 'one true love' or whatever is shallow and questionable is that NGs typically don't go in against their object's opinions (unless their position is threatened somehow), even if these are wrong or questionable. It's pretty passive at best and sycophantic at worst.

• 1.7 "I am nice"

NGs often describe themselves as being "nice", and oddly enough, so do many people around them. Well, if the first thing that comes up in your mind, or in others' if you need to be described, is "nice", then you have a problem because it means you're not particularly seen as having personality.
2. TYPICAL NICE GUY EXCUSES

• 2.1 "But I am genuinely a friend."

If you are, then why are you moping how girls only "want you as a friend"? Also, a variant of this excuse is NGs who go out of their way to not do anything or act on their feelings as long as their object of desire is in a relationship, but prefer pining in the shadows, bottling up massive frustrations.

• 2.2 "But in that movie/novel..."

Popular culture tends to feed the idea that the NG thing is somehow cute, worth empathising with or even truly romantic. Like so many clichés about love and relationships in pop culture, it couldn't be further from the truth. Pop culture loves exploiting NGs because it tugs on a few heart strings and is good for drama. It doesn't make this sort of behaviour mentally healthy or advisable, and if you're going to take dating advice from pop culture, well, then I don't know what to say.

• 2.3 "If she doesn't like it, why doesn't she say anything about it?"

Nice guys make an advance that cannot be rejected in a socially acceptable way. If a guy says, "Hey, how about a date?", then it's perfectly socially acceptable to say, "Nah, I'm not interested." But instead he might say, "Oh, you're moving? I'd love to help. When? Hmm, I'm working that day, but I can call out sick. It's really no problem! I don't own a truck, but I could rent one of those ones from the Home Depot." Is this guy really helpful just generally, or is there some subtext there of him trying to impress you? Should you say, "That would be really helpful, but since I am not attracted to you, I am honor-bound not to accept your offer of assistance"? Of course not. So you don't say it, and then there's this weird THING sort of hanging in the air in your dealings with that person in the future. You're like 85% sure that he's into you, but every time he has an opportunity to actually say it, he passes it up. Eventually, you relax a little, and then one day one of your dumber girlfriends lets on in front of this guy that you have car trouble. You try to hiss at her or step on her foot or something, but you're too slow or she's too clueless, and his eyes brighten. "Can I look at it? I'd be happy to help!" Ugh.

• 2.4 "Welp, guess I should become an asshole then!"

Apart from being a non-argument/false dichotomy, in fact, NGs are already assholes, but with a mask of niceness. You can certainly be a nice person without the deeper layers of manipulation, self-pity and self-entitlement.
3. HOW TO SNAP OUT OF BEING A "NICE GUY"

• 3.1 Realise that the world doesn't owe you anything, and by extension, women don't owe you anything merely because you're "nice" for all the wrong reasons.
• 3.2 Stop being a passive-aggressive doormat and be more candid about your desires. This will mean having to take rejection, too.
• 3.3 Don't pine. Realise that there are many, many potentially compatible partners that you could have while wasting time on projecting your romantic fantasies onto someone who will never reciprocate.
• 3.4 Realise that there is no "manual" to women, no guaranteed rules, etc. If you're autistic or have a bad case of the 'sperg, seek therapy.

edit: To address some apparent confusion - being nice and "Nice Guys" are not the same thing.


Source:

• http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lmu0d/for_newbies_nice_guy_syndrome_what_it_is_and_why/

• http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/friendzone-johnny

Who gave this kid a webcam?!

If you ever find yourself writing texts to your ex or to any girl you like, listen to this guy... this is EXACTLY how you sound, without any exception!

Play it cool, take a step back and honestly look at the situation that you're involved in. This kid, even if genuine, will have to live with this for a looooooong time

Source: http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/my-video-for-briona

Feminism gone wrong

I came across a video on Youtube the today of a US talk show where 5 high profile women sat about joking about a man who had his penis cut off by his psycho wife, the reason for this attack? He wanted a divorce!

We are now living in a age were the unequal standards have shifted in the woman's favor. Women can now be sexist and get away with it, much like minorities can be racist and get away with it. These are big arguments for not only different days, but also different blogs.

I usually don't have an opinion on subjects like this, but it absolutely sickens me that the topic of male genital mutilation (The video says castration, which is technically false as that refers to the testes, and even this term would be used in a  purely medically scenario. What is being discussed here is nothing short of amputation or "Penectomy" - NSFW) is taken to be entertainment on a day time talk show. If there was a story on a man who drugged and cut up his wife can you guess the media reaction to that? There would be outcry!

As it stands right now there are no laws in Ireland (Where i'm from) to say a woman can rape a man. What kind of unbalance is that?

A woman's logic "I want to be treated equally!" You'll hear "Don't beat me because I'm a woman"

News Source: http://www.dailynews.com/ci_18463027?source=most_viewed
Help us ---  Get involved!!!!

• http://www.reddit.com/r/videos/comments/irzp7/stoning_punishment_for_cheating_in_saudi_arabia/
• http://www.facebook.com/CBS?sk=wall&filter=12
• http://www.facebook.com/pages/Dont-watch-CBSThe-Talk-till-they-Appoligize/150520431689908?v=wall
• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wP4VeMJp9pE&feature=player_embedded

Complain!

• http://www.cbs.com/info/user_services/fb_global_form.php

Right letters to CBS's advertisers, your local newspapers or TV stations!

• Learn who the advertisers were in that episode. Contact them saying you represent 100,000 people who are going to boycott their product because the advertise, and support, sexual inequality.

The advertisers, the MONEY, will bring CBS to begin firing the cunts. ALWAYS follow the money.
Further reading - This one is a long article (i haven't even finished it) but lots of info in it:
http://www.singularity2050.com/2010/01/the-misandry-bubble.html

EDIT - List of CBS Sponsors :) - Just mail 1 or 2 to help the cause! (Yes, Viagra is in there to.... the irony...)

Lamisil (www.lamisil.com)

Novartis (www.novartis.com)

Levitra (www.levitra)

Bayer (www.bayer.com)

Lifesavers Candies (www.candystand.com)

Kraft Foods (www.kraftfoods.com)

SmartBalance Popcorn (www.smartbalance.com)

Good for America Brands (www.gfabrands.com)

Viagra (www.viagra)
Pfizer Pharmaceuticals (www.pfizer.com) 

Vioxx (www.vioxx)

Merck & Co. (www.merck.com)

General Mills (www.generalmills.com)

PrevAcid (www.prevacid.com)

TAP Pharmaceuticals (www.tap.com)

Plavix (www.plavix.com)

Bristol-Myers Squibb (www.bms.com)

Benefiber (www.benefiber.com)

From http://www.fraterslibertas.com via Hugh Hewitt,

a list of the advertisers:

These companies advertised on 60 Minutes.

Let them know how you feel about that network

interfering in the American electoral process.

Nissan nissan-ir@mail.nissan.co.jp 1-800-647-7261

Pfizer ccfeedback@pfizer.com 1-800-733-9393

Aventis aventis-ir@aventis.com 1-800-221-4025

Campbell's http://www.campbellssoup.com

1-800-257-8443

KIA requires registration 1-800-333-4542

Sprint nicholas.sweers@mail.sprint.com 1-913-624-3000

Aflac http://www.aflac.com/about_us/media_center_contact.asp

1-800-992-3522

Citi investorrelations@citi.com 1-800-285-3000

Ameriquest https://www.ameriquestmortgage.com/contact.html

1-800-523-3964

Splenda http://www.splenda.com/vcrc/emailform.jhtml

1-800-7-SPLENDA

SBC drucilla.cessac@sbc.com 1-210-821-4105

Ford https://www.ford.com/en/company/investorInformation/shareholderQuestions.htm

1-800-392-3673

American Expressronald.stovall@aexp.com

....................................................................................................................................

OTHER CBS SPONSORS tracked during one program:

First Commercial

Allegra

Home Depot

Kleenex

Vioxx(Arthritis medicine)

Splenda(Low carb sugar substitute)

Second Commercial Break

Kia Automobiles Zelnorm(IBS medication for women)

Sprint PCS

UPS Store

Campbells Soup

Kia Automobiles

Third Commercial break

Morgan Stanley

Ziploc

Cingular Wireless

Pepcid Complete

Estee Lauder

Infiniti Automobiles

Majestic Star Casino

Fourth Commercial break

Kleenex

Wellbutrin-xl (medicine for something from Glaxo Smith Klein)

Lowes

Final Commercial break

Toyota

Campbells

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Rant

It pissed me off to no limit that one of the fundamental necessities for life on this planet costs more that Petrol in this day and age.

This necessity? Water!

Getting the average of 1 litre of Petrol in Ireland, we find that it is roughly €1.52 (Source)
However a litre of water, even the "cheap" stuff that hasn't been filtered for 10 million years through the bones of dinosaurs and the beards of vikings will set you back €1.90ish at the cheapest (Source: Shops) 

You really have to wonder why? Does the cost of filtering and bottling water really come to a greater expense of mining, drilling, extracting, shipping, refining and transporting oil? Perhaps thats why the big oil companies make so much money? They don't have to deal with finding at river that a sheep hasn't pissed in in the last 1000 years...

I think its time to set up a water business, people are always going to need water, lets bill them through the nose!

100 followers!

Wow, i was just updating me blogs and i see i now have 100 followers!

Thanks to everyone who listens to my rants, i hope you all enjoy my content as much as i enjoy writing it! :)

I think my 100th follower came from somewhere in Florida :D